weigh-in/week 14 reflection

I'm not posting my weight this week, for several reasons.

1) The scale would not settle down this morning. We use a digital scale, and I usually hop on and off a few times before it settles on a number, and then it doesn't budge. But this morning there was a 6 pound range, and after 4 tries, I decided I didn't really want to know. Because...

2) To put it delicately, my excretory system shut down a few days ago. I'm on an all fiber diet for the time being!

3) I weighed myself every day last week, which meant elation on the good days and depression on the bad days. I'll check in whenever #2 (hehe) resolves itself, but I'm going to try and enjoy the freedom of not knowing for now.

Behavior wise, I had a pretty good week. G tried to sabotoge me by giving me an Easter basket full of candy before going out of town for the weekend, but I think I showed pretty good restraint (1 Cadbury creme egg, 36 jelly bellies, 1 peanut butter egg, and a caramel bunny over 5 days). I minimized drinking--several glasses of wine Thursday night after G left (wine and Gossip Girl--AKA me time) and a glass in the hot tub at the in-laws last night, but that's it. I also ate about half of what I would usually eat at a holiday meal, and felt very satisfied. I ran 21 miles, kept working on the pushups, and took a long walk Friday night (like, 6 miles).

Sure, I wasn't perfect. In addition to the Easter candy, I ate Chick Fil A (and did not forego mayonnaise) and gave myself generous portions of several weeknight meals. But it was a darn good week overall, particularly for a holiday, and I'm moving forward.

G and I are going out for a nice meal tomorrow night--it was supposed to be my birthday meal in October, and then our Valentine's date, and we are finally doing it. So I'm going to enjoy the heck out of it, and then try to be really good all weekend.

Mini goals for the week:
-Continue to leave Activity Points uneaten. (Not all, but at least some.)
-Be strict about portions.
-Have a friggin' bowel movement.

Current weight: Somewhere between 187 and 193.

weigh-in/month 3

Down 2.5 pounds from last week, for a grand total of 20 pounds.  I like this--it's a nice round number to round out the third month of this little lifestyle change.

If you break it down, though, it was 10 pounds the first month, 6 pounds the second, and 4 pounds the third--decreasing losses.  I'm not too bothered by it because the big family reunion/week of guests in the middle of month 3 was a big factor, and I think that I can continue to lose around 6 pounds/month.  

When I think back over the last three months, I'm kind of amazed.  No fast food (unless you count Chick Fil A, which I really don't.  When I say fast food, I mean McDonald's, Wendy's, etc.), hardly any eating out that wasn't socially obligated, no ordering pizza.  Oh yeah, and I went from running zero to eight miles.  

The next milestone on my calendar is a friend's wedding on June 6, just over two months from now.  If I can lose 12 more pounds by then, I'll be happy.  (I may not be able go to the wedding--it's in Indiana--but that doesn't matter.)  I'll be training for the Broad Street Run for the next month, and then I'll need to figure out the next step in fitness.  I'm not sure if I'll continue to try to run longer distances, or if I'll start focusing on some kind of weight training.  What I do know is that I can't do what I did two Thanksgivings ago--train for a run (in that case, 4.5 miles) and then once it's over, gain twice the weight I lost.  That would not be cool.  And I won't let it happen this time.

Current weight: 191.5

Pounds to goal: 68.5

goals round 2

Early on, I mentioned that I had three milestones this year that I would use to organize goals around.  The first was my cousin's wedding which was this last weekend.  After I weigh in next Monday, which will be week 12/month 3, I'll think about the weight I'd like to be at by Memorial Day.

However, I have a running bet with my mom and sister in terms of behavior, and we have just set new goals for the time between now and the Broad Street Run.  I had fun working on them, so here they are.  As always, I prefer behavior goals to weight loss goals, because while you can control weight loss to a degree, you really can't live by the scale.  So here are the goals I can control:

Exercise: 

-Follow the Broad Street Run training program.  Except in the event of sickness or injury, complete every run.  If scheduling gets in the way of a run, I'll make it up the next day.

-Continue with the hundred pushups challenge.  I'm in the middle of week 3 and my arms are aching, but I can do 17 pushups without stopping!

Food:

-Continue to write down everything I eat and make a good-faith effort to track points.

-If/When eating out, leave something on my plate.  It doesn't matter how much, but I always eat every bite.  Last week I left part of the meal on my plate and it felt so liberating!  I didn't have to savor the last bite as though it were the last thing I'd ever taste!  I just stopped when I got full and let someone else eat the rest.  

Wish me luck!

weigh-in/month 2

Down 1.5 pounds for a grand total of 16.  That's a rate of 8/month, or 2/week, although it was actually 10 pounds in the first month and 6 in the second.  Whatever, numbers are boring.  

Yesterday I did indeed eat a Cadbury Creme egg and some bread, cheese, and ravioli for dinner. However, I exercised, I had all my flex points, and I didn't drink at all this weekend!  (Except for the hot toddies, which seriously were medicinal and I would have preferred Nyquil if we had it.)

I'm very pleased, partly about the number, but more so because I know that this has been the most committed and diligent 8 weeks of "dieting" I've ever strung together, and it hasn't even felt like a hassle or I'm depriving myself.  (Most of the time--see the last entry for one exception.)  In other words, I can keep this up!

March will be tough.  My dad is coming to visit for a week, and that will be capped off by a three-day family reunion/wedding celebration.  We'll be out of town, and who knows where/what we'll eat.  As the time gets closer, I'll make some specific plans, probably along the lines of allowing myself to go crazy at the wedding reception and trying to be really good the rest of the time.

I'd love to get to 21.5 pounds lost this month--that would be 10% of my weight.  But if I don't, I won't stress, because when I initially set mini-goals, my first was to be in the 195 pound range by my cousin's wedding, and barring any unexpected binges, I'll be under that.

Current weight: 195.5  

Pounds to goal: 72.5

goal weight

I never seriously thought about setting a goal weight for myself.   In previous weight-loss attempts, it's been all about behavior (eating right, exercising) and hoping the number goes down. I'll set mini-goals for myself, like hoping that by the time that wedding comes up in 3 months, I'll have lost X amount of weight, but I seriously never considered the possibility of losing enough weight that I would be an average-sized person.

I don't know if it's because I didn't want to jinx myself, or if I thought looking at a big-ass number would be too scary, but I think part of it was lack of belief in myself.  There's no way I could do that, only a minimal percent of people are successful with weight loss, blah blah blah.  Oh yeah, and if I don't think I can do it, then I don't have to really commit myself to trying, and I don't have to live with the fear of failure.

But in the last few weeks, I've read through the entire archives of both dietgirl and pastaqueen, two bloggers who have succeeded in losing huge amounts of weight and keeping it off.  One thing they both had in common was a goal weight from the very beginning, even when their goal weight was less than half of their starting bodyweight.  I can't fathom the fortitude it took, at nearly 400 pounds to say, "Yup, I'm gonna weigh 160 someday."

It's time to pony up.  I'm picking a number, checking it twice, trusting my body to treat me nice. (Wow, soooo lame.)

Of course, there are many numbers I could pick, and one thing about the two bloggers I mentioned above is that each initially set a goal weight that was lower than the weight she ended up being happy with and maintaining.  So do I set a super low weight with the knowledge that I'll end up not reaching it anyway?  Or do I set a high weight and consider it more realistic?

Questions, questions.  This stuff isn't simple.

What I've decided to do is pick a number that sounds astronomically low to me right now, but is actually closer to overweight than underweight according to a BMI calculator.  It's kind of a fun number because of the sequence of the digits, and it's also a number that I feel like meant something to me at one time.  I have a vague memory of being in middle school and weighing this amount for a while.  Or it could be that this is what my mom has weighed her entire adult life.  It's one of the two.  Whatever.  I'm picking it, I'm aiming for it.  I'm not going to be distracted by it, I'm not going to predict when I will get there, I'm not even sure I will.  But I will get darn close!  

The magic number is 123 pounds.  If I get there, I will have lost 88.5 pounds total, and I have 74 pounds to go from where I was at my last weigh-in.  I do not have to lose half my body weight, although apparently I could and still not be underweight.  Damn.

ETA:  I'm still going to focus on mini-goals, by the way.  The first, which I mentioned in early January, is my cousin's wedding in March, which is quickly approaching.  I think I had hoped to lose 15 pounds by then, and I should hit that easily.  Then I'll look to Memorial Day weekend, another wedding and my own anniversary.